jnetsworld

he's the type of man that makes coffee nervous

2018-04-24T02:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes those that some find formidable, I find endearing.
A friend recently commented that one of the parents I know has quite the reputation.

M: "He's the type of man that makes coffee nervous. Just the way he carries himself and those striking blue eyes."

JNET: "I watched him do a staring down contest with his daughter. They were good."

The man strikes fear in a lot of people but not his family and not his friends. At first I thought he was a military man simply posturing out of habit. Nope.

He reminds me of my mom. (Sorry, mom, in case you're reading my post. But you really knew how to play the Chinese tiger mommy SOMETIMES.)

Some people are simply born the way they are, spilling out into the world to be lightning bolts. The smart ones know how to temper themselves while the not so smart ones isolate themselves burning everyone in their path not understanding how to bring balance to relating.

Because of my mom, I find some people that make coffee nervous... endearing.

The common thing they are trying to smite is what they perceive as weakness. I've had my share of staring down contests. Good lightning people don't really want to burn you. They test you to own the moment and not give up so easy. They will love your fiercely and not give up. And yes, they may be annoying being sparky here and there.

You give up too fast, you lose control of your life. You lose control of life, you stop learning. Be a student in the school of life always.

Thank you, Tiger Mommy....in case you're reading this. :)

JNET

PS. In case you are wondering, I discovered the dinosaur house while out on a walk in my neighborhood. I have goofy neighbors!

https://www.ihearthollywood.com/2018/02/dinosaur-house.html

i collect my good memories

2018-04-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

My mission is to collect my good memories.

Who will remember the good memories for me?

I frame my memories and let them surround me like the gallery of photos kept on my tables and shelves. I love seeing the photo displays when I visit my friends and my students. Everyone has happy stories. No one displays the ugliest and saddest moments on top of the piano or on the walls. And yet, some savor sad times like choosing black jelly beans from the candy bag. Some people are into that flavor.

I have a collection of bad memories that I am exercising selective amnesia over. They bubble up sometimes. Maybe because I need to learn; glean something yet. Most of the time, I manage to be sensible and not go for a replay. Seriously, if you've sat down to an awful movie that made you realize you lost time you will never regain, why watch it again? That's how I see rehashing bad memories.

I remember a coach once had me take pause when we made a certain breakthrough. She asked me to describe my feeling over the achievement and be present to it. Time seemed to stand still. She was teaching me a lesson on gratitude though she didn't spell that out for me. It was a lesson to experience the moment broadly. It's the difference between looking at a painting versus really looking at the brush strokes and allowing the moment to be amazing.

I made this dragon with my cousins and a dozen new friends we met one particular vacation day. This dragon lifted us from the misery of heat rash we were suffering from. It took us a while to physically acclimate to this place we were born from but had been away from for so long.. Mentally, we wrestled between being petulant and cheerful and managed to not ruin the vacation. We created loads of good memories.

I create and collect my good memories. I hope you have an expansive happy gallery of your own.

JNET

the lucky day I said no to the lady in a fur coat

2018-04-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

I went down my Boston memory lane and remembered a wonderful day I'd almost forgotten.

We arrived to Symphony Hall late but the box office was heaving. It was a premier show featuring a celebrated opera singer. Our friend had left tickets at will call but for some reason, we never got to will call. I just remember the shuffle of people. A woman in a fur coat approached me and offered to sell me her tickets. I said no thanks and found my fancy ticket scalper amusing.

Soon after she left, a man approached me.

XYZ: "Are you a student?"

My backpack and lack of formal wear might have clued him on. This was my normal symphony attire. I sat in the house during the free rehearsals as well as attended the occasional concert.

XYZ: "Today is your lucky day. My daughter got accepted to college and I'm leaving the concert early to celebrate with her. You and your friend are my guests."

We followed him through the crowd, through passageways. It happened fast and like a dream. When we finally reached our seats, I found we were on the balcony just over the percussion section. We were looking at the conductor's face and not his back. Conductor Seiji Ozawa!

I never caught the man's name who graciously gifted two students that night with amazing balcony seats. He disappeared to celebrate his daughter's college acceptance. I write this story to never forget good people are in the crowd. Out of chaos; wonderful things come. I send my thanks to the universe for this man and the memory.

JNET

deep and simple

2018-04-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

This past week was humbling and exhausting.

Was it the slightly punishing summer weather with its windy afternoons and sneezy nights? Was it the car engine hiccups and worrying commutes between appointments and visits to the vw specialist, or was it my teaching week?

Earlier this week, I wrote a letter of recommendation for a student interested in volunteering to counsel at a teen suicide hotline. She's 14 and has been volunteering for several years in different places. Midweek, a student shared that middle school was a tough adjustment. Peer pressure was a burden that made her sad and I could feel she was controlling her tears when she spoke. I saw how delicate and strong she was. Remember middle school? I told her that if she asked any adult, many would tell her it was an awkward place, sometimes miserable. She is doing all the things I did to survive middle school; journaling and diving into hobbies that give personal satisfaction. She's discovered photography as I did at her age. And she has piano lessons with me twice a week. Lastly, I had a lesson with a mother who missed her son. He had reached that stage where he had outgrown hugs and won't enjoy mom/son duets at the moment.

And each of these students made beautiful music despite the circumstances that weighed into their day. They may have fumbled a note here and there but they were graceful and gracious through the dissonance.

I was present to some gorgeous poignant moments. I hope you had a few. Moments where you are a soul watching time stand still while being with someone who needed a witness to their sadness or their fears. Live deeply and simply.

I hope you were able to bring comfort.

It was a beautiful, humbling, and exhausting week.

JNET

"Deep and simple is far more essential than shallow and complex." (Fred Rogers)

stunning solitude

2018-04-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

Surrounded by people, Solitude finds a second to wink at me and I realize a magical silent moment....

There are at least four people in this shot. I waited a moment for the baby stroller to move out of the frame. And for a few seconds, it was only me and the garden.

Some need activities to raise their energy. I need quiet time. This weekend, I played the piano some and made notes for my chiro.

My left hand feels weightier and energetic while my right hand feels like a ghost. If I was a director, I'd tell my right hand that it needs to work on it's presence and projection. My right hand still shakes. I entertained random questions like how would I keep very still if I had to hide from a ghost or raptors that broke out from a science lab.

I had to figure out a few positions to find my stillness. My imagination was entertained. It made pain less dominant.

How my world sounds when I find stillness...

The neighbor downstairs cooing at her puppies and the puppies' happy response. The neighbor upstairs singing to himself. The rhythmic whoosh of cars going along Laurel Canyon. Sometimes it's the birds singing, another part of the day, it's the kids at play in the schoolyard, and summer evenings, it's the crickets singing.

Solitude is stunning when you can enjoy its conversation and not be interrupted.

A bit of homework I give my students is to write down 10 things they hear while sitting alone at their piano. I enjoy their lists. The "list" was inspired by a violinist friend when I shared having several piano students who did not have an instrument to practice on. Aside from "air piano" practice, what else can I suggest to help them grow? Hence, the "what do you hear when you are alone" list; an exercise to fine tune how one listens.

It's not only about what you hear but also how you listen.

What do you hear in your solitude? I hope it's stunning.

JNET

an angel's hello

2018-04-06T23:41:00.000-07:00

And out of thin air, a miracle happened.

Another angel story to raise us up from the wearying human experience.

After a day of teaching, I headed to the train station, parked my car, and waited at the platform. The train did not arrive on time. The crowd of commuters grew; in numbers and in impatience as the evening grew darker and colder. It was a Friday evening and I was setting off to San Diego to celebrate my niece's birthday. Sitting on my luggage, I called my brother to let him know of the delay and asked if my absence would matter. He put my niece on the line to ask her myself.

M: "Please come, Auntie JNET."

How can I refuse that adorable munchkin voice?

XYZ: "JNET, we're taking a taxi to Union Station. There's room for you!"

And with that, I joined my train station acquaintances and headed to Union Station. Running towards the platform, I realized my boarding pass had gone missing. My name was on it. You needed ID to validate it. It should be easy to replace.

Nope.

ZYX: "You must pay another full fare. We refund boarding passes after you provide us the lost boarding pass."

JNET: "I've lost the boarding pass. No one else can use it. No one can be me other than myself."

ZYX: "I can't do anything for you. You must purchase a new boarding pass. You will get a refund after you give us your missing boarding pass."

JNET: ?!?!?!?!?!?

What nonsense. I gave up trying to reason with them. My newfound train/taxi friends backtracked with me to search for my boarding pass. It was a business class ticket; not exactly cheap. After a few minutes of walking through the chaos of people trying to get somewhere or having just arrived, I decided to buy another business class round trip ticket.

AMTRAK was making a nice killing on my behalf. I've now spent more than a couple hundred dollars. The initial train I was to board was still stuck somewhere north and I was going to miss dinner and seeing the kids before bedtime catching a late evening train. BUT, I will be able to help set up and celebrate Saturday morning.

People gamble more on a Vegas weekend. Spending time with my family...that was a bet I was willing to put on the table. I purchased a new boarding pass.

I enjoyed the birthday party and was at the train station Sunday after lunchtime to return to Los Angeles.

But what about your miracle, JNET? What about your angel???

The remarkable event happened upon arriving the Glendale train station. I spilled out with a bunch a people. I hadn't yet gotten my senses together when someone called out my name and placed something in my hand before disappearing. That something was my missing boarding pass.

I was able to get my refund.

And that someone who played angel got away before I can thank them.

I share the story to remember on especially tough days that good people and good things make the long distance run of living more bearable. I hope everyone has a rugged angel story to share. I will share more in the future.

JNET

Here's the first one I shared here:

https://steemit.com/angel/@jnetsworld/angel-couriers-to-the-rescue

Welcome to jnetsworld. As of today, April 6th, 2018......

94 followers.

fire engine red beauty says hello

2018-04-03T23:19:00.000-07:00

My bug handled the drive to SD like a champion but I felt it cough while taking on a final steep climb on the freeway. That was a bit nerve wracking after 3 hours of driving. My legs were shaking when I finally arrived at my destination. My right arm scolded me for the stick shift workout and the tremor was more pronounced.

The drive was my attempt at fighting off any post accident fears of driving before emotions had a chance at hijacking my sense of happy independence. I still feel rough around the edges but enjoyed my family time. I planned to visit a mechanic before heading north.

I visited downtown San Diego's Griffin's Auto Shop in Little Italy for a diagnostic test and found a fleet of classics visiting their auto doc. The red VW camper greeted my arrival. The shop was busy. I wasn't the only one impressed by their reviews.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/griffins-auto-repair-san-diego?start=20

Steepshot | IPFS | Google Play

Griffin's Auto was kind enough to put my car on top of their queue when they learned I was from out of town and was trying to get home safely. They gave me a free coffee voucher to visit a neighboring cafe and encouraged me to play tourist and go enjoy a stroll.

This decadent coffee had Nutella.. its hard to say no to Nutella. It was yummy!

My car was road ready within an hour. They didn't find any major problems and gave me a small list of homework for my mechanic to do before I make another big drive. They discounted the diagnostic test, gave me peace of mind and Griffins became my new official shop that I will go to for my VW needs when in SD.

Next visit is slated for next month. I'm already battling fear talk in my head. I'm planning to win. Here's to healing body and soul.

JNET

angel couriers to the rescue

2018-03-24T23:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a horror story to share. Those stories are exhausting to live through and even more exhausting to listen through. Life happens. We become feed to FUDsters. Humanity disappoints us and we are left to pick ourselves up.

A well meaning friend asked about my car accident and then shared his avalanche of terrible car accidents and incidents he's lived through. The only way I could lift both of our energy boats from sinking was to share stories of good things that happened to me that has built my faith in humanity.

Freshman year in Boston. I was GREEN!!! I moved to the big city having been raised in sheltered suburbia and military bases. You would think in a city with a zillion souls, I'd be invisible. I managed landing my first "grown up" job to supplement my work-study stipend from school as a personal assistant to very kind important man in venture capital. I was the only art student in an office of law and business grads. But it was a great place and everyone was just as kind as the captain of the big ship.

I rode my bike from Back Bay to work in the Financial District and marveled at everything; gardens, gorgeous trees, restaurants, hotels, churches and shops. I would meet a thick of people once I hit Downtown Crossing; on foot and on bikes. Little did I know that someone was watching me.

At the end of one particular day, I found someone waiting at my bike. He told me that I didn't know how to properly secure my bike. He showed me my error and then taught me how to lock it. He introduced himself as Matthew and told me that he and a bunch of courier friends had taken turns to watch my bike until I got out from work. They had stopped a guy from stealing my bike.

After sharing a couple hellos with his friends, he also taught me how to adjust my bike seat to take care of my knees and back. He was great. This stranger gave me a lesson on city living and riding in good form. He and I walked our bikes all the way back to school where I introduced him to my friends and then I never saw him again.

It would've been great to write of a wonderful friendship that grew from that day. But that is how the story ends. Matthew, wherever he is, I further my thank you into the universe by sharing what he and his friends did.

My friend with the avalanche of horror car stories started to slow down and listen. I told him another instance. People that showed up and disappeared. My league of angels.

M: "Wow, JNET. You should be on the Ellen Show. They like these types of stories."
JNET: "I wouldn't want to be on any show. You would have to tell the story for me. You would enjoy the attention more than me."

He made room for another angel story.....which I will share in another post.

The world is full of amazing people. A lot of people want to be amazing. When I feel the weight of life, I remember the people that shined their light while on my path. Their part in my story has become my treasure.

JNET

a day teaching in the cactus garden

2018-03-17T22:58:00.000-07:00

Teenagers are prickly beautiful creatures and so are their parents.

I found myself consoling a tearful student after her and her dad had an emotionally charged conversation over recording her playing. While she excused herself for a moment to collect herself, her dad vented his frustration. A simple request did not land well, buttons were pushed and the moment lit up in flames.

"Do not have children, Miss JNET!!! They are a never ending headache."

My student returned to the piano bench after her dad left the room and we recorded a bit of the piece she was working on. She was embarrassed and hurt. She had apologized earlier before stating her peace to her dad. It was an uncomfortable moment but I was impressed how respectful she spoke to her dad to disagree. It still broke her heart a tiny bit to hit upon a rough moment relating to her dad.

I didn't tell her dad we recorded the piece. At the end of the lesson, he walked me to the door still fuming a bit. I told him his daughter was a good girl. Yes, she's strong-willed. Some may choose to say difficult or stubborn. Strong, unshakable people who have their North Star are the sorts that change the world. Perhaps he was overwhelmed with the task at hand. He and his wife are very mindful of their role to guide their one and only child.

I sent the video the following morning . And I hoped that they will be okay in order to set off and enjoy their spring break vacation. I suggested that if he wants recordings of his camera shy daughter, he might want to sit on the stairs and record himself enjoying listening to his daughter's playing. I reminded him again that he had a good daughter and the good work of building family shines despite the less than shiny moments. His teenager daughter adored him.

They are going through a prickly stage. They are going to be alright. They are absolutely gorgeous.....like this cactus.

JNET

duct tape to the rescue

2018-03-10T22:50:00.000-08:00

Maybe I needed chocolate, a glass of wine or a nap. My nerves of steel frayed this past week. I missed my old self. I told my massage therapist that I loved salsa, flamenco and tango dance and had planned going back to dance for the new year; get on a new groove. Chiro says no dancing for a bit. The Universe thought it best that I slow down.

I have nothing against slowing down. I wish I didn't have to hurt so much.

Wednesday morning started with an MRI, lying very very still inside a loud machine that whirled and howled with sound. Three scans at 15 minutes each. It was surreal. Imagine the muppets, Beaker and Animal in robot versions talking and playing didgeridoo for a 45 minute concert.

A part of me is still in disbelief...

I'm feeling hurt from something that happened in December????

My Wednesday appointments didn't allow for time to grab lunch so I began my teaching day on an empty stomach and a mind full of self-pity. I broke down in tears during my commute. It was the first time I cried since the accident. Me! Crying! My world is definitely upside down.

I didn't feel as terrible last week. What have I done differently this week? I'm brainstorming here how to hack my body. I wore high heels one day for a couple of hours. Was that it? I finally found a roommate. Perhaps, I did not have time to feel as much pain because the stress of interviewing people masked it?? What's different? The weather???

I didn't cancel my Friday night date. I hadn't mentioned being in a car accident. Too many more interesting things to talk about like bitcoin! We met for sushi and had a good time getting to know each other. He knew nothing of bitcoin and has never heard the word "blockchain" but he was sweet and kind.

He undestood pain can be annoying and that some people like to keep their complaining to a minimum so that they can soldier on with life.

My date was, after all, a stage combat instructor; a stunt guy. Stunt people are a special breed. I once met a guy who duct taped himself so he can continue filming. I have friends who light themselves on fire, drive monster cars, and roll down stairs while wearing high heels all in a day's work. These folks literally smile through the punches.

I called it a night before 10pm. I needed to soak in the tub, rest, duct tape myself.

I wore a corset the next day and found it gave my back support. Yay. Pain managed for a day; inspired by remembering a friend who duct taped himself. I played the piano for a couple of hours and restored a piece of my spirit.

I hope I enjoy another good day at the piano today. Time to duct tape (corset) myself.

JNET

my superpower is invisibility

2018-02-10T22:36:00.000-08:00

I wish.

I'm more stealth than invisible.

I wear headphones that sometimes don't even have music going. I wear a hat and hope that since I don't see you, you can't see me. And I move swiftly through crowds because I'm fast,
compact size, stealth and maybe
a tiny bit invisible.

It's easier to say I'm shy. Then strangers assuming something is wrong with me suggest I ought to change friends or my job before knowing that I love my work and my friends. Needing to explain myself instead of the organic-let's-take-time-get-to-know-each-other makes them the exhausting component. Do people really become instant friends and lovers? How's that working for you????

It's hard for some to understand. That sometimes being with people is like running an app that drains the battery quickly.

And to the surprise of some, they wonder how an introverted person can have so many friends. Friends that call on me across the ocean when I get hurt....friends that will think of me as I search for a roommate when they live on the other side of the country.

Quiet people are not nonexistent. They build lives that allow admission to just a few at a time who let time and friendship tame the wildness and grow roots.

I'm building a kingdom. It's surrounded by a mighty forest and the people in it are treasured and very special to me. I don't leave the private keys for just anyone. Together we are swift, stealth and a little bit invisible.

I'm having a weird week. Thanks for humoring my thoughts.

JNET

ambulance chasers

2018-01-21T22:19:00.000-08:00

They've been the brunt of jokes. Is it an American thing or do other countries also have humor that looks at attorneys with disdain?

I have quite a few attorneys in my life and I've never really needed one. Maybe I will call upon a friend for advice every blue moon or refer a friend to an entertainment lawyer. I am close to them mostly due to their other interests like music and their families. We talk about LIFE like normal people. They tell me of concerts they have attended; their favorite pianists. I hear how they studied music aI'm s a child and didn't get reading music down and want to make sure their child can read notation with ease. They lament at their child's pop music fascinations and we rally together to broaden their classical training while fitting in pop.

So when my roommate decided to rib me on now having an "ambulance chaser" who's a dear friend of a student's family, I took pause and asked him who's side is he on?

There are attorneys who take on companies advocating for people that could easily be swept away if they didn't have representation and there are attorneys who fight on behalf of company entities. Why make a huge sweeping judgement on a whole group of people when there are a lot of compassionate good professionals willing to go to bat for an individual?

This ambulance chaser joke stops people from seeking help navigating through complex terrain. Believe me, I had no idea how tedious the process is. My car got rear-ended before Christmas and I've been waiting on reports before I can sort my car out. Meanwhile, I also hurt and am finding that the pain is not going away as fast as I'd like.

Today, I finally get to take my car in to begin repairs. I couldn't be happier with who's on my side. They are kind and they are fierce. They are the kinds of people and energy this world needs to create balance in a sometimes dark and confusing world.

Stop with the ambulance chaser jokes. It will make you sound like you are siding with Goliath.

JNET

my fierce kind world

2018-01-14T21:23:00.000-08:00

I had to prop myself against the wall while teaching a piano student last week. I saw her yesterday happier after seeing a chiropractor. Her dad had a less than sparkly opinion of chiropractors. Despite my trust in chiro treatment, the question came up of what if something is wrong inside of me that a chiro can’t catch without equipment like MRIs and X-ray machines. What if I bend to pick up a sock in a month and really start to feel pain?

Oh.

My student’s dad insisted that I not go through the insurance process without an attorney. I called his friend/colleague and I feel better that the tedious communication with the insurance won’t be so tedious if someone who knows the terrain speaks for me.

Save your receipts and send them after treatment was what the insurance advised. I’ve been conservative with how to take care of myself. I don’t exactly have loads of cash to dole out and I don’t want to cash out my crypto. I don’t have a lot there either. (I’m a crypto baby.) With the current dipping trend, opening my blockfolio makes me sad. So….hip pain and stiffness….. what to do??? stretching is free. Staying in bed, sleeping under a infrared lamp like a baby chick, have been my way of taking care of myself. But it is not enough to hope that I will be okay in a couple of weeks with stretching and chiro adjustments. I don’t want to pick up that proverbial sock that will scream JNET is broken inside and I find my health and quality of life in a downward spiral.

As a rule of life, I’ve avoided doctors save for physical checkups. I’ve received gleaming reports and have taken good care of myself through healthy lifestyle choices. I avoid toxic people and bottleneck conversations. This car accident has put a spanner in the cogs and I’m not feeling right with my body. I’m off my routine. I want my car fixed and I want to feel better and my friends want that too. They are making lists of people I need to see now.

Meeting new people. Eeek! Meeting new people connected to the kind people I know….less scary. I mentioned I’m INTJ. Joy for me is solitude. Sadly, my body is messing with my joyful solitude.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have so many good people rally for me. I’m surrounded by kind people who love fiercely. When all is not right with the world, it means a lot that people care to make it right.

Be kind always and love fiercely.

JNET

fender bender christmas

2018-01-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

My pretty 78 beetle got roughed up in a rear end collision, dashing out all plans to parade my nieces and nephews down Candy Cane Lane with the convertible top down during my holiday visit.

I'm still a bit rattled. It takes a lot to un-nerve me. I had been used to people slowing down to check out my car, giving way to my pretty granny classic. I had been accostumed to admiration, I never expected anyone to come at me with any sort of force or impact to hurt my baby. But it happened. After 4 hours of holiday commuting time and less than an hour from my destination, I experienced my first rear-end collision. My car was drivable. Duct tape secured the bumper to the body.

The guy admitted fault. The woman in front of me and her nephew was fine and unaffected in her tank of a truck. With my car taking the brunt of damage, we were all happy to be alive and ok. I now get to dance with his insurance company and learn the process of restoring my car to its former beauty.

AAA towed me back to LA. I arrived safely home. Tomorrow I begin the process of "mission fix the bug."

I like doing new things....this is not one I'm looking forward to.

JNET

comic con here I come

2018-01-07T11:35:00.001-08:00

I scored comic con passes for the 5th year in row and I managed to do it this year in my sleep.

It takes some pre-planning and coordination. My number one rule is to have a team ready on registration morning. Our team has at least 3 to 8 people from different cities bright-eyed and ready with everyone's ID and special waiting room links. It gets intense waiting but the adrenaline rush upon landing into the waiting room gets celebrated as we text/chat each other. Hands are shaking as you entered ID numbers and continued listening to who's on deck and who's still in the wings. There's a big wooohoo and sigh of relief as each family member and friend gets their pass. And then it's over in less than an hour. That's how fast comic con gets sold out.

Comic con is a family event for us. It's when we have relatives fly in and the long lines and panels become our points to reunite.

I missed pre-reg this year and I forgot to share my details to my family. My heart was feeling a bit sorry for myself. This will be the first year that my boyfriend will not be onboard; he's now a past tense. We are no longer a dynamic duo. So, this year, after missing pre-registration, I gave my info to my sister-in-law for my final chance at passes during general registration.

Thank God, I had my family on the ready because I did not wake up registration morning! 😵😖 I had a late night helping my friend get back to her family. I was knackered but woke up to my family's text that they got my comic con pass. I Venmo'd my brother-in-law and the mission is successfully closed. 🎉

This geek is looking forward to San Diego Comic Con 2018, hanging out with family and getting a new ornament for my tree. ☺️

JNET

tsw: day 66 two steps forward one step back

2015-08-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

My skin is trying to roar. I had a few really good days where I felt happy in my skin. I thought I was strong enough....

To enjoy some jojoba oil.

Boy, am I glad I wasn't ambitious for lotion and makeup.

I'm keeping my skin at bay staying away from moisturizers (again) and taking immune system building supplements that seem to be helping. I didn't schedule a Bax treatment this week. I thought I was feeling better and could taper off. Blast.

I must note too that I ate some "novel" food that mom brought over. It tasted so good and I was in better spirits thinking I was getting all better. I sat at the piano without pain. My friends dropped by for a visit. I indulged a root beer.

I was feeling better. It was a "better" that had me feeling stunned and happy. I want that again.

Now. If not now... Tomorrow?

Hello universe. Do you hear me? I loved that feeling...of feeling happy in my skin.

Two steps forward, one step back.

jnet

tsw: day 62 - am I on the right path?

2015-08-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

I don't have the patience to suffer a year let alone several years of TSW.

Before TSW, I was working towards weaning myself of TS.

My flares always won. What I didn't know was that I had to QUIT using TS completely and not buckle when the tough got going. How did I miss the anti steroid conversation after years of internet surfing for answers? I got distracted by this diet, this supplement, this magic skin application. Life was a just barely manageable roller coaster and I couldn't figure out my triggers. Was I allergic to the weather, something I ate?

My skin went through an intense first month of TSW. Every week, I felt like I had a new misery to add to my list of angry reactions my skin was having. Sometimes ice relieved me and other times hot compress. By the end of one month, Benadryl and Ibuprofen stopped helping me feel better. And true to TSW bloggers' own experiences, my monthly hormones promised a nightmare. My skinned cleared up right after. Down was my first TSW month and I enjoyed a calm complexion week at comic con.

That was the one week I missed a Bax treatment. I tried to schedule one immediately returning from my trip and found my chiropractor had gone on vacation. Noooooo!!!!!! My skin suffered, the pain escalated and I was up to three showers a day to calm the pain. I was put on antibiotics after I made a strong argument against taking steroids and was happy to not be put on prednisone. Been there. Done that.

After a week, I completed my script of antibiotics and started to worry. That time of the month was to return. After a couple of Bax treatments, I felt a bit more stable but had a sense of dread. My skin was starting to turn red and angry again. It was a slower simmer to angry this time though. I had adopted the NO MOISTURiZER stance that I had read on several blogs. I was soaking in Epsom salts and letting my skin dry out purposely. The pain was less but still zappy. I was also using natural pain / anti inflammatory medicinal options that enabled me to reduce taking ibuprofen and Benadryl.

Honestly, I now can't remember when I last took an ibuprofen. I still take Benadryl and melatonin though. Sleep is critical because that is when your body goes on full throttle mending mode.

I've also stopped carrying ice packs wherever I go. My skin has cleared up significantly and I'm at a calm that has me blinking. Is this real? I'm not wearing makeup but I wore a pretty dress yesterday and didn't feel compelled to hide under a rock. Something is different.

More thoughts at the next post.

jnet

tsw: day 57 watching the clock

2015-07-29T02:33:00.000-07:00

I've run out of benadrly. I've run out of bananas. And I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day for me to run errands. Today, I woke up to dry, blotchy red skin that was having a paper cut party. It's a weird and miserable experience that calmed down after a shower and a few ice packs.

I'm doing the NO moisturizer regime. After I shower, I put nothing on to 'seal the moisture'. No emollients, lotions, etcetera after I pat myself dry. After reading several TSW blogs, I noticed there was great debate over whether to moisturize or not. Moisturizers are seen as crutches that interfere with healing skin learning to be strong. Many believe that suffering a short period of discomfort will open to a smoother roller coaster ride. Skin will still be temperamental but less angry.

After last weekend's struggle to be comfortable enough to sleep an hour soundly, I'm keen to not have a repeater. Pain is stupefying. Sometimes, I feel like I dare not move. Today, I wondered why I couldn't cry. I must be too tired to bother or perhaps a part of me thinks that pain feels even worse if you cry.

You would think that reaching for an ibuprofen and melatonin would be second nature by now. No, and I don't want reaching for medicine to feel normal.

It's 4am. It's day 57 of TSW. My sleep schedule is weirding out. I'm looking forward to beginning a new day. I'm trying out a new supplement whose reviews were impressive. Tomorrow will be a new day to figure out and hack my wellness. Good morning and goodnight.

jnet

TSW: day 46 i'd wear a veil if I could rock it

2015-07-27T14:00:00.005-07:00

I'm looking my worst to date. And the pain is pretty intense. Yesterday, after taking two benadrlys, I was finally sleepy. I had not slept the night before due to the sparky electric like storm on my face. You would think I would just collapse into bed. Nope. The discomfort was so intense, I decided to stand in the shower (for the third time of the yet so young Saturday afternoon). It's the only place I don't feel awful.

My boyfriend called me his Barnacle Belle. I laughed and it hurt. Despite feeling like I look like a monster, he did not want to cancel our movie date night. I dressed up cute and wore a hat to hide underneath. I'd wear a veil if I could rock it but fabrics near my face don't feel nice.

New thing, I'm on antibiotics this week. Boo! My face has a different thing going on and the pain has been more intense that I spent most of my time doing pain management than having time to consider eating or sleeping as a possibility. My body didn't even fit in a hives breakout. Yay? And another tiny detail came to mind. Before TSW, whenever my allergies/eczema/asthma would flare up, my eyes used to get super duper incredibly dry. I needed to use a steroid eye ointment. Along with being able to breathe better than ever since TSW, my eyes feel happy. Go figure.

I wish my face would feel happy. I'm brainstorming for outside the box options. I'm not keen on riding a withdrawal roller coaster.

jnet

tsw: day 44 - a week of calm during comic con

2015-07-17T13:22:00.002-07:00

My skin was relatively calm while on vacation. It had some dry spots but the pain was at an all time low. My skin decided to go crazy after vacation ended.

I'm considering going to urgent care at the moment. New thing: I'm breaking out in hives which last a couple hours and goes away on its on. My right hand and arm has something going on. Minor. I can put lotion on my arm and it doesn't sting.

My face is another story. I felt the discomfort start brewing Monday night. Tuesday, my face felt like paper cut central. Wednesday, I had a small and different rash along my left cheek. Thursday, I found myself finding comfort by having a constant warm soaking.

I'm up to three showers a day just so my face doesn't hurt. Last week feels like a dream. I hardly had much concern over my skin. Is it environmental? Is it LA?

Comic Con was awesome by the way. I hope to write of it.

jnet

tsw: day 31 where are my allergies?

2015-07-06T09:30:00.003-07:00

Happy 4th of July. So I molted last night last a freakish butterfly. My face seems to have calmed down to a blotchy red. It took me a long while to fall asleep though. My wonderful melatonin failed me. After reading Juliana's research on sleep and how lack of sleep increases inflammation, I got up and took two benadrlys to knock me out. I woke up at 11am.

I don't recognize myself. I'm taking photos but I'm not brave like other bloggers to post them. So I take pictures of Ukee in place of myself. This above is a photo of Ukee and my latest discovery, a natural air purifier.

What does a rock lamp of solid salt have to do with TSW? Well stopping steroid meds makes me a bit concerned about asthma and breathing issues. I don' t want to inhale steroids to breathe when steroids are having a not so great effect on me. I discovered that Himalayan salt is the non steroid inhaler that is getting great reviews. Since breathing problems seem weirdly not an issue, I opted for the air purifier instead of the salt inhaler.

Consider checking out Himalayan salt inhalers if you think your breathing issues are more prominent in you during TSW than my experience. A month having quit topical steroids, I've not breathed easier. No difficulty whatsoever not even the asthma "cough" that used to bother me. Pretty air purifier lamp it is!

As for controlling the pain, still working on that. I hurt.

jnet

tsw: I’m planning on feeling great tomorrow but….my skin has it’s own moods

2015-07-03T12:53:00.000-07:00

I made an appointment for Bax 3000 when my skin was doing well earlier this week. By appointment time, 48 hours later, my skin was really really dry and angry. By evening after the appointment, my face calmed down considerably. The next morning was dedicated to pain management and brainstorming how understand the ever changing condition of my skin. My face looked relatively fine but the electric thunderstorm was in waves I did not like. Imagine having a bunch of paper cuts smarting on your face.

It was not an ice pack day. It was a hot towel spa day. It was a miserable day and the pain had me at my kitchen table constantly cuddling a little wet face towel.

Why do I feel less discomfort when I'm teaching or with my friends?

Doing the dishes, while washing a knife, I actually thought that cutting my arm would feel less painful than my face. That's how miserable it gets. It comes in waves. During the respites, I try to be productive; clean, pay bills, read other blogs on how others have found comfort. I played the piano and was able to escape for a bit but found myself back to heating water to make more hot towels.

I didn't cancel my weekly dinner with my best friend, N. Though I was a total turtle putting dinner together, I did manage to bake bread and make dinner. I fought my body all afternoon to claim my dominance. If there's anything I want to be a master hacker of, it's my own mind and body. N. arrived and made salad. My boyfriend joined us. I felt better.

There's somethings that can't be bottled and applied.

As much pain I may feel, it's less sharp when I'm with someone who cares about me doing something that takes my mind away from the consuming misery. After hearing that I felt better when I was not alone, my boyfriend told me to gather my things so that I can get some rest at his place.

I fell asleep by midnight. It was good to not watch the sun rise.

Next week my boyfriend's brother arrives from Texas and we head off to comic con. I'm planning on feeling great. My skin may have its moods but I'm committed to figuring it out. I'm a negativity slayer. I'm going through TSW and I know I will be okay.

jnet

tsw: day 27 fighting fire w water

2015-07-02T04:35:00.001-07:00

My boyfriend bought me a set of glasses where the hearts turn red when the drink is cold. It makes drinking water fun.

Today is not a good day. I had a terrible time trying to fall asleep last night. I feel flat. I wish I could be upbeat. It's my roommate's bday, the weather is perfect and I have no students scheduled for today. But I don't feel zippy. I feel zappy experiencing a weird sharp zappy pain shooting across my face. My face is feeling dry and inflamed, my lips are swollen like I've eaten something I'm allergic to and I'm tired.

I'd stay in bed but I'm forcing myself to keep drinking water. I go between sitting at my piano bench to the couch in the living room. I'm within 10 paces of my kitchen for a water refill and another 10 to run to the bathroom.

Yesterday was a better day. What did I do right? What did I do to affect this change? Did I drink too much water? Drinking water seems to help me with lessening the swelling and redness. I still manage to feel thirsty even after 8 pints though and my skin is still dry. Tomorrow I will journal everything I eat and drink.

My face hurts today. It's red and affected below my cheeks and along my jawline. It's stinging with an electric zappy sort of pain. I think the nerves in my face are freaking out. It's a tiny bit swollen and feels warm to the touch. I don't want to put ice on my face nor any sort of emollient. I'm afraid it will just add to the pain.

Any good news? My neck doesn't feel like elephant skin. It feels soft and smooth. It feels 90% normal. I can lie down comfortably. I'm also still breathing free and easy. No sign of asthma. Despite my bit of misery, I believe I'm getting better. My friends, family, and my students and their families are so sweet. I guess the kids know that the ice packs means I'm taking care of a boo boo. A parent told me to feel free to ask for anything to feel better. She noticed that I come prepared with ice packs and ibuprofen.

I scheduled a Bax 3000 appointment with my chiropractor for tomorrow. I'm hoping to feel much clearer before the weekend.

jnet

tsw: day 23 how I feel depends on the hour ….. literally

2015-06-30T19:30:00.004-07:00

N: "Jnet, your skin looks good this week. Complexion looks clearer and even."

J: (nodding in agreement). "Your face looks better than the last time I saw you."

Jnet: "J, you saw me yesterday."

J: "Was that yesterday?"

This conversation was from Thursday evening, AFTER my Wednesday Bax 3000 treatment with my chiropractor. It's Friday and I'm en route to San Diego for a wedding. I'm drinking at least a dozen pints of water in hopes that I can drown out the baddies and wake up with better skin.

My skin is happier but not thrilled. I'm holding a cold compress or ice pack to my face while my boyfriend drives. He also patiently gets off the road and looks for a decent place for me to go to the loo. We've stopped at three times and we've not traveled one hundred miles.

R: "I'm glad you're drinking a lot of water. I need to drink more myself."

He always finds something nice to say.

Today I am not red and swollen. It's a long drive and I can only hope that my skin will behave so that I can enjoy my friend's wedding.

jnet

tsw: what is worse getting bit by fire ants or dealing w tsw

2015-06-26T02:21:00.000-07:00

I battled fire ants yesterday at my students' house. That was seriously yucky. I rushed home and went straight to the shower. My skin felt better yesterday before the fire ants and despite them. I almost felt like a normal person...a normal person that can't wear anything unless it's super soft to the touch. Getting ready for the day is frustrating deciding what to wear that won't hurt. If I feel better tonight, I think I will make a project of taking off the tags. The tags on the collar alone irritate my skin. I'm wearing my pjs inside out because even the stitching doesn't feel comfortable.

I woke up to a red swollen face that felt like it had an electrical dermis storm going on. It took a few hours of ice packs and cold compresses to calm it down to a pink. I'm drinking ginger root steeped in my French press with hopes that I can drown out the baddies.

Its day 20 of not taking any topical steroids for eczema and allergies. Normally, if I used a topical steroid, the dry irritated areas on my face may calm down to a smaller patch of dryness, maybe not. I would encounter some breathing trouble at some point and would add breathing in steroids (asthma medicine). My "allergy flare" would calm down for a couple of weeks and I would repeat after a week or two.

But I was only barely gaining wellness and I was slowly growing less well. I've become less sociable and have fallen into the habit of disappearing for months thinking that perhaps I needed to slow down (they say eczema is a stress reaction). Seriously folks, I have made it a lifestyle to be a negativity slayer, working toward taking things in stride, defusing drama and staying away from toxic people and situations. I think if I was a Buddhist monk, yogi master or nun, I'd still be struggling with flare ups.

Topical steroids have stopped working. But wait! Despite the misery of the red face electrifying dermis storm, I'm breathing free and easy. I'm petting my students' cats and not sneezing at all. That's weird.

It's as if a part of my "life with allergies" has whisked itself off to fairyland. My asthma buddies are lamenting allergy season and I'm standing alone with no need for inhalers. Can it be that the asthma/eczema medicines were giving me asthma?

I'm reading up on non steroid ways to handle allergies. Wow. There's a whole world out there that I didn't know of. Himalayan salt. Who knew? Google it. I plan to write on it eventually.

So fire ants or topical steroid withdrawal...which feels worse? TSW. It takes a lot more to feel better if you are going through TSW.

jnet

jnetsworld

he's the type of man that makes coffee nervous

i collect my good memories

the lucky day I said no to the lady in a fur coat

deep and simple

stunning solitude

an angel's hello

fire engine red beauty says hello

Steepshot | IPFS | Google Play

angel couriers to the rescue

a day teaching in the cactus garden

duct tape to the rescue

my superpower is invisibility

ambulance chasers

my fierce kind world

Rate this:

fender bender christmas

comic con here I come

JNET

tsw: day 66 two steps forward one step back

tsw: day 62 - am I on the right path?

tsw: day 57 watching the clock

TSW: day 46 i'd wear a veil if I could rock it

tsw: day 44 - a week of calm during comic con

tsw: day 31 where are my allergies?

tsw: I’m planning on feeling great tomorrow but….my skin has it’s own moods

tsw: day 27 fighting fire w water

tsw: day 23 how I feel depends on the hour ….. literally

tsw: what is worse getting bit by fire ants or dealing w tsw